Last week I touched on some of my key takeaways from the previous year, as well as how I'm allowing those takeaways to shape how I approach my goals for this year.
As I've said before, people love the new year because it signifies a fresh start. It feels good when we believe we're starting with a clean slate. Anything feels possible! And usually, the first month of the year is the most exciting when it comes to the goals and habits we set out to pursue.
However, that "new car smell" of the new year will inevitably fade. For some people, it may take a month, a week, or even just a couple of days for the feeling to wear off. Getting discouraged and losing motivation is natural and it's to be expected. But how do we keep momentary discouragement from having us ditch our goals entirely?
Abandon All-or-Nothing Mentality
If you've been following this blog long enough, you already know that I'm a recovering "All-or-Nothing" person when it comes to the things that I want to do. All-or-Nothing Mentality is exactly what it sounds like, but let me give you a couple of examples:
" I woke up 10 minutes late so now I don't think I'll do my workout because I won't have time to do a full 30 minutes"
"I ate way too much for breakfast. I'm not going to bother making better choices for my meals because the day is already ruined."
"I wanted to start writing at 7:00 pm but it's already 7:45 pm. Maybe I should just pick this back up tomorrow"
There are many more examples, but I'm sure you understand the point. When we get into All-or-Nothing Mentality, we convince ourselves that if we can't do something exactly how we want to then there's no point in doing it at all. This is a ridiculous notion because we all know that 20 minutes of exercise is better than 0 minutes, there's no reason why we can't just continue our day the way we planned for our meals, and starting something late doesn't mean that you can't start at all.
I can't speak for everyone, I'm sure there are several reasons as to why some of us succumb to All-or-Nothing thoughts. But for me? It's usually one of two things: perfectionism or laziness disguised as perfectionism. There are too many times where I believed that if I couldn't execute something perfectly then it was a waste of time. But I won't deny that there are also times when I just don't feel like doing something and I will come up with this dumb excuse to not do it.
All-or-Nothing mentality is a form of self-sabotage, and while it can happen to the best of us, it would do us a great service to let it go. There are so many things we can accomplish if we let go of the idea of doing it perfectly. Sometimes we just need to do it and get that "ugly" win" for the day. An "ugly" win is still a win.
Too Many Goals too Soon?
Nothing beats that "I can do anything" feeling that some of us get at the top of the new year. However, some of us can get so caught up in our feelings that we don't always make plans and goals that are very practical.
Don't get me wrong; this isn't a call to "think small" or to not believe that big things can happen in your life this year. This is more of a calling for us to think about where our plans and goals are rooted. We can't base our goals on our feelings alone, we should also be putting reasonable thought behind them so that we can follow habits that will lead us closer to what we want. Goals are accomplished best when we create and practice habits that will get us there. For some of us, we try to go 0 to 100 overnight with our habits, and nothing ever truly works that way. In an act of impatience, we give ourselves a laundry list of things to accomplish and yet we get discouraged when we're unable to juggle the dozens of projects and tasks we assigned ourselves. It's a quick recipe for burn-out.
Let's say you wanted to compete in a 5K run this year and you want to achieve a personal record for your running time. If this were the case, would the day you step foot at the race be the first day you attempt running 3 miles? Of course not! If you googled "5K Run" in your search engine right now, the first thing you see (after the definition) are results for how to train for a 5K run.
We should think of our habits in the same way. We are training ourselves to do these habits consistently (be it daily, weekly, monthly, etc). And when you're training to do something, you're saying that you're building up the stamina, habits, and know-how to accomplish it. In my current state, I would likely not run (emphasis on "run") a 5K. But if I gave myself a few months to work on my cardio health, my eating habits, my pacing, etc. then a steady 5K can definitely happen!
Also, there's nothing wrong with starting slow. I know that sometimes we can create fear in our hearts, internally or externally, to accomplish as much as we can as fast as we can. But we can set ourselves up for disappointment when we're not scoring 10/10 on our daily habits. I like to regroup at the end of the day and journal about what I did, as well as what I didn't do. It gives me a minute to reflect: did I miss this goal due to laziness? Poor planning? Were things simply out of my control? It sets me up to have a better day tomorrow
Don't Be Afraid to Start Over (It's Not a Big Deal)
Starting over, in any capacity, can be annoying and discouraging. Sometimes it's so discouraging that we avoid doing it at all.
The only thing that feels worse than falling off our goals and habits for the new year is doing it early. I have a list of daily and weekly habits that I want to accomplish every day, and I was so sure that I was going to hit the ground running the first week of January if nothing else.
However, what I wasn't anticipating was getting sick right after the Christmas holiday. I tried to press through anyway, but trying to get in my daily exercise just aggravated my sickness so I ended up not recovering immediately. Now I've gone three straight days without a workout and I was very irritated about it. Who doesn't get things right during the very first week of the New Year? I asked myself. But then an additional question came up:
So what?
Why does it matter so much that I have to start over for my "days of consistency"? What does that have to do with the end goal?
Starting over is annoying and sometimes it's even scary, but it's never as big of a deal we make it out to be. We interpret "starting over" as a sign of failure and we shame ourselves for not doing what we set out to do the first time. More often than not, our stress from starting over is rooted in ego or caring too much about what other people will think.
I lost 15 lbs last year and then gained it back. So what? I've learned from it and now I can try again.
I wanted to read 80 books last year and I'm pretty sure I only read 10. So what? The books didn't disappear, I can try again.
I told myself I would learn how to do xyz but I didn't. So what? There's nothing stopping me from doing it now.
Being afraid to start over is just another way for us to avoid pursuing goals that scare us. It makes us get stuck in our heads and reluctant to move forward. It only leads us to looking around in December, beating ourselves up for not trying.
Motivation is Fleeting
There's a reason why I didn't title this blog "How to Stay Motivated". The reailty is motivation is fleeting and you can't depend on it in order to accomplish what you want. Obviously, it helps a ton when you're motivated to something. But the majority of the time you're just not going to feel like doing certain things. I know for me the winter season is tough because motivation just flies out the window when it's below 40 degrees outside. All I can think about is staying warm, being cozy, and eating comfort food.
I know you might be sick of hearing it, but moving forward requires that we remember our "why". If we know why we're doing something, we're much more likely to follow through. None of us are strangers to the New Year jokes as they pertain to gyms. There are countless memes about how packed the gyms are during the first week of the year only for it to be back at regular capacity by February 1st.
The difference between the people who leave the gym (or any other habits and goals they set out for themselves) vs the people who stay, is the role of motivation in their lives. Motivation is a tool, but it's not a plan. It's likely that the people who were in the gym after the new year were already there last year and have already built a habit of going. Then for the newer people, it becomes a matter of which are driven by motivation and which are driven by something else (i.e. their why).
Reader, the first week of the New Year did not go at all like I had planned. Maybe it was different for you. In either case, I implore you to stay encouraged. Pursuing a goal of any kind is never going to be linear or a steady increase; it's a series of ups, downs, spikes, plummets, and stagnations. There is no avoiding a setback, there is only learning from it and deciding whether or not we move forward despite that setback.
Thank you for reading,
--Raven
Never thought "so what" would be my mantra for establishing new habits, but here we are. Great read, as always. Thanks!