Entering Motherhood and Handling Postpartum Life

Illustration by Luisa Roth for Unsplash+

It has been quite a while since I've made time to post here.

Life last year had gotten incredibly busy. As I stay longer with my firm, I'm granted more opportunities to learn and grow. I think a lot of you will know that's "corporate speak" for: "I've been receiving a heavier workload and have been lacking the mental capacity for other things".

But, along with being busy at work, I also became pregnant with my first child. Thankfully, despite some challenges, my pregnancy went smoothly and our beautiful baby girl came into the world this past February. She must have been excited to be here, because she arrived almost 20 days before her due date! I won't get too much into detail about that. I've already written about my birth experience on my Substack account if you're interested in hearing about it.

It has been a little over two months, so obviously, I'm still getting used to being someone's mom. I love our little girl, and all I want is to do my very best for her every day. I'm grateful that God has blessed us with Brielle, and I'm happy that we started our little family when we did.

However, as lovely as this time has been so far, I can't overlook something that literally millions of women experience: Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression (or PPD). As someone who has already been diagnosed with a depressive disorder in the past, I went into my pregnancy concerned about how I would handle the postpartum period. So, like with most things in my life, I did some digging to make sense of it all before I even hit my third trimester.

Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression

Some people will use the term "postpartum" when they're referring to PPD. However, it is important to understand that 'postpartum' refers to the period after birth, aka something that everyone who has had a baby experiences. Everyone experiences postpartum, but not everyone experiences PPD. The postpartum period usually refers to the first 8 weeks after birth, but symptoms and changes can last well beyond that.

Illustration by Summerizze for Unsplash+

It's also important to remember that, while not everyone experiences PPD, everyone experiences the physical challenges of the postpartum period. That's including but not limited to: changes in weight or body shape, breast engorgement, hair loss, uterus involution, soreness of the perineum, and so on.

Bringing life into the world is wonderful, but it comes with a lot of mental and physical sacrifice that not everyone is willing to be vulnerable about. Baby Blues and PPD are very similar, but the main distinction is the time frame in which these symptoms occur. The Baby Blues symptoms can occur a few days after birth and lasts no more than two weeks. Baby Blues can show up by way of irritability, anxiety, crying, feelings of overwhelm, mood swings, trouble sleeping, and appetite problems. Typically, these feelings only last up to two weeks.

PPD symptoms, however, last longer than two weeks, and those symptoms are far more intense. When a new mother has PPD, her symptoms could interfere with her ability to take care of the baby and herself. While PPD usually surfaces within the first couple of weeks after birth, the symptoms could also surface later (up to a year). Symptoms of PPD can include:

• Severe mood swings

• Withdrawing from loved ones

• Overwhelming tiredness

• Intense irritability or anger

• `Panic attacks

• Concentration issues

• Trouble bonding with the baby

• Intrusive thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

• Thoughts of suicide

Another intense part of PPD is that a mother can constantly be met with thoughts that they are not a good mother or will never be a good mother.

Misconceptions About Postpartum Depression

I think it's easy to be fearful of developing PPD because of the implications that come with it. No one wants to be perceived negatively by their loved ones and peers, and PPD can have a mother thinking that every single thing she's doing is wrong and will bring judgment from others. Let's get into what Postpartum Depression IS NOT.

"Having PPD must mean that I regret having my baby". Even if you're someone who has wanted to be a mother her whole life, you can still develop PPD. It has nothing to do with regretting the choice to give birth.

"If I eat or take xyz medication, I won't get PPD". As of now, there isn't a single cause of PPD, but factors such as physical changes, hormone changes, and genetics play a factor in its development in new moms. PPD is more likely to occur when you already have a history of depression/depressive disorders. While you and your doctors can monitor your mental health during your pregnancy, PPD is something that is more so something that is usually treated rather than prevented.

"If I confess to having PPD, my baby will be taken away from me. I should just tough it out." This misconception is likely what keeps many new mothers from coming forward. Children do not automatically get taken away because a mother suspects she is depressed. In fact, avoiding medical intervention is what will make things worse for you and your child. When PPD is left untreated, it could go on for several months and might even lead to an ongoing depressive disorder. Letting PPD worsen could increase the chance of a mother causing harm to herself or her baby.

PPD clearly causes issues with the mother, but it can also create a ripple effect on everyone around her. While experiencing symptoms of PPD, the relationship between the mother's partner, other children, family, friends, etc. can easily become strained. When the mother is depressed, there's an increased risk of depression in her partner.

Illustration by Chloe for Unsplash+

What Can We Do?

I'll admit that within the first month, I was having some emotional struggles after having our baby. And, like many other women, I was plagued with guilt for what I was feeling. I didn't want to admit to myself that there might be an issue, even though it was probably obvious to my husband that something was clearly wrong. I would cry at the drop of a hat, my mood would swing from one end to the other, I found myself becoming anxious when left alone with the baby, I constantly felt inadequate, and I was constantly afraid of making a mistake that could hurt our daughter.

Prayer - I know that this bit of advice is for a specific category of my audience. But I'm a firm believer that prayer changes things. I'm embarrassed to say, but I found that I wasn't praying and making time for God like I did before having the baby. Prayer is ultimately a conversation with God, and I don't remember a time when I prayed and didn't feel better afterwards.

Talk About It - I love and trust my husband, but I'll admit that I was too scared to tell him about how I was feeling. This is where my anxiety disorder comes in, telling me a bunch of lies. I was so anxious about his perception of me. What is he going to think? Is he going to think I regret having a baby? Is he going to think that he's done something wrong? Will he question my ability to take care of the baby? After all the tiptoeing around it, I finally came out and said it one night: I think I need to talk to someone, I'm having a hard time. And would you believe that the sky didn't fall? We have to remind ourselves that the people who love and care about us will want to be supportive through our most difficult times, not cast judgment on ur struggle.

Revisit Feeding Options - Most would describe breastfeeding/pumping as a labor of love. It's physically and emotionally draining, but a lot of women find it rewarding and love the health benefits it can provide their baby. However, I did have to reconsider my stance and be open to formula feeding. For a lot of women, breastfeeding can be a struggle if you're not producing, having trouble latching, or if you have a schedule and lifestyle not conducive for consistent breastfeeding. I fell into the trap of believing myself to be inadequate because of how I was struggling. What I didn't realize is that my inability to relax was also contributing to my lack of production. I had come to realize that leaning on formula did not make me a failure. As the saying goes: fed is best. And as Brielle's pediatrician reiterated: keeping myself mentally healthy is one of the best things I can do for her.

Seek Help - After I told my husband how I was feeling, somehow a lot of those feelings of anxiousness and depression left me. It's as if the pressure and burden were lifted, because I had his support and not his judgment. However, even though I'm not currently experiencing these emotional symptoms, I still have plans to seek a therapist specializing in postpartum care. PPD symptoms can resurface, and just because I feel better at the moment doesn't mean these feelings can't come back. Personally, I believe everyone should seek care after having a child, regardless of whether they have PPD or not. It's how we can show up as our best selves for the baby and everyone around us.

Only in recent years have I witnessed women being more transparent about the reality of childbirth and motherhood. A lot of things I know now about childbirth are things that I've come to find out within the last two or three years. I believe one of the ways we can combat PPD is by acknowledging the very real challenges and risks that come with childbirth. What we're doing with our bodies takes a lot. We're experiencing an intense physical and mental shift when we decide to have a baby. We want to look and feel like ourselves, but have trouble reconciling that we not be able to get back to how we were before.

In any case, I really hope that anyone who has had a baby recently, or will soon have a baby, is taking the necessary steps to take care of themselves. I'm still in awe at the fact that I'm someone's mom, and I'm still processing who I am and how I look in this moment. But despite all of the changes, I'm so happy that I get to be Brielle's mom.

Thanks for reading,

Raven 🎈